Gifts

Here are some great gift ideas to buy for someone who might be having a tough time during this holiday season. (And don’t forget to include yourself, if you need support and cheering up.)

Music

Anything by Mozart
Gregorian chant
Any collection of music with “Relaxing” or “Peaceful” in the title
The opera Madame Butterfly
Any of the collections of Elvis singing gospel music
Something by Handel
The three-cd compilation of songs sung by Emmylou Harris

Growing Things

A windowsill herb garden
An amaryllis that will bloom a few weeks after the gift is received

Bath Stuff

Anything that contains lavender or tangerine

Candles

Vanilla, citrus, lemongrass

Journal Books

Any kind of blank page book. Why not include a handful of pens?

Poems

Any book of beautiful poems

Books of prayers and Sacred Scriptures

Check books like Oxford Book of Prayer, Celtic Benediction: Morning and Evening Prayers, The Book of Common Prayer, Bishop Tutu’s book of African prayers, and others. Also look at The Message, a translation of the Bible in modern speech.

Gift certificates

For books and music or for plants and flowers at a garden center

A beautiful book – Listening to Nature: How to Deepen Your Awareness of Nature (written by Joseph Cornell and published by Dawn Publications P.0. Box 2010, Nevada City, CA 95959 (800) 545-7475, order online at www.dawnpub.com) has been very therapeutic for many people who were engaged in putting their losses into a broader perspective. So have materials such as those published by such organizations as The Sierra Club, 85 Second Street, Second Floor, San Francisco, CA 94105, (415) 977-5500, www.sierraclub.org; The National Audubon Society, 700 Broadway, New York, NY 10003, (212) 979-3000, www.audubon.org; and books discussing the Gaia principle, such as James Lovelock’s Gaia: A New Look at Life on Earth (Oxford University Press, 1987).

Visiting aquariums, walking in redwood forests, hiking in the desert or the mountains, camping, and backpacking are ways many individuals have lifted their spirits when they were in the depths of mourning. Gardening has also been a source of very effective therapy (even looking at seed catalogs and gardening books, many say, helped).

The outdoor programs offered by Outward Bound, 0110 SW Bancroft St., Portland, OR, 97201, (503) 243-1993, www.outwardbound.org; the travel expeditions sponsored by such organizations as the American Museum of Natural History, 79th Street at Central Park West, New York, NY, 10024 (212) 769-5100, www.discoverytours.org; and the biking tours offered by many different companies, are just some examples of the kinds of activities many people have found to be valuable as they moved through their grieving process.

What to do when life gets tough?

There’s a deceptively simple act of making a list, suggested by authors Ilene Segalove and Paul Bob Velick. I say deceptively simple because we’ve been making a list since we went to the store to get our school supplies. But what a different approach to list making? When we are in the middle of a tough transition and sifting through our thoughts and experiences, we might make these lists, as suggested by Segalove and Velick:

• List the real reasons you are inspired to stay alive
• List all the times you knew something but didn’t trust your intuition.
• List all the prayers, sayings, and chants you’ve been taught that make you feel better.

Then we could think of our own topics for lists…a good/bad list about a time in the past; a list of those things in the past that you’d like to bring forth in the future in a new form; a list of things you assumed before this tough transition happened.

Perhaps you are at a point in the transition when it’s time to make some external changes. Here are a few examples Segalove and Velick give for times like this:

• List how you’d like to change your outer life right now
• List how you’d like to change your inner life right now
• List all the times you’ve fallen flat on your face
• List the major changes you feel you need to make in your life right now.
• List all the times you’ve gone off the beaten track.
• List the ways you sabotage yourself from getting what you want

Or if you just need to amuse yourself for a break, you could make these lists:

• List what’s in your glove compartment
• List the fantastic pranks you’ve successfully pulled off

Listing as therapy…listing as fun…listing as insight: who would have thought something so “ordinary” and “simple” could be so helpful?

In her new book Tough Transitions, Elizabeth recommends music that helps in many different kinds of situations. Here is her list for music to listen to when life seems chaotic, beginning with classical pieces and then moving to an eclectic list. Links are included for you to purchase these items, where available. (more…)